The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
