please come you make the beer taste better
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
