I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
