I want to have your abortion
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
