ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The air was thick with penises
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
