I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
