sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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