I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
