I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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