Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
