Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
