Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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