from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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