I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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