For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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