You're my little dorito
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
