Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
