I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
