I just pynch a tree in the face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
