would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
