yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize