Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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