Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
look no pants
Your dad touched me again.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
