I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As shirtless as possible
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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