Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
