Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
