Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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