you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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