Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
