the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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