oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i barfeds in our rink
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
