I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
