I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
