My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
