woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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