is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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