My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
