Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
