You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
