I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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