Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
