Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
