i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize