i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
