You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
