I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
