my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
