It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
