I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
