i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
