my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
