I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
