i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
