last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
