The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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