I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
