I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
