We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
