He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
