hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
