Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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