nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
