You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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