Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
