Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
