You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
