Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
