i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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