so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
