I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
