i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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