you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
